Tuesday, May 22, 2012

Contemplating my faults

When I started this blog I thought it would be a good way to document my progress at tackling my debt including the methods I was using to get there.  I envisioned myself writing about things like switching to cold water washing or using less electricity.  You know, easy things to change.  Buy bulk, on sale, with coupons, etc…  What I didn’t realize is that through this process I would start to confront a lot of uncomfortable behavioral issues with myself.  That part of the process has been a lot more painful than I would have expected.

I guess no one really likes to look deeply into their own faults but I should have known going into this that just making surface changes wasn’t really going to work in the end.  And it’s not that I’m surprised that my debt issues stem from something quite a bit deeper than just forgetting my coupon wallet or not switching my light bulbs to compact fluorescents sooner.   It’s just so dang uncomfortable to be honest on here when I’ve spent so much of the last ten years lying to myself about my habits.

Really what I’m saying is that my goals through this process have kind of evolved.  Obviously Goal #1 is still to pay off my debt but I’ve realized that in order to achieve Goal #1 I’m going to have to confront some really personal issues about the way I deal with stress, anxiety, and depression.   I feel like by making the decision to tackle my debt I was also unwittingly making the decision to face some qualities about myself that I’m not quite sure how to deal with.  Not sure where this is leading me but I have a feeling that the outcome could change my entire life not just my credit score.

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